Ask Me Anything
[TW Attempted rape/sexual assault]
I once had a guy tell me that because I kissed his girlfriend (she asked his permission- he normally doesn’t mind her experimenting with girls) he could have sex with me if he wanted to. This guy told me that I was asking to have my butt touched, because my dryer wasn’t working and the booty shorts I should’ve worn under my dress were soaked. The guy later told all his and my friends I was a “crazy bitch” because he physically restrained me and tried to touch my genitals and grabbed my breasts, and I bit him to make him let go and ran out of the house. Neither he nor the girl checked to see if I was okay. They made me walk home, in the dark. I then had a guy tell me he wasn’t sorry and I was overreacting. I had blocked his number and Facebook but he used his girlfriends accounts to communicate with me. The guy told me he would let his girlfriend see me again and allow her to return my calls and texts only if I gave him a blowjob.
(submitted by endless-mindless-repetition)
This is why you cant trust women, even when theyre mouth is closed theyre still lying to you
you do realize that this is really hurtful right?
i did not do this to show how i am ‘lying’ to men or anyone, it’s not about how you, as a man, should feel about it - it’s about myself.
to me your statement sounds as if the left side of this picture is something awful or horrible. and no, it’s not. it is my face - with and without makeup. and whether i chose to wear it or not is MY AND JUST MY decision. and when i do, i do it for myself - so that i feel good about myself - not for you.
like not even in a witty way
if you actually feel guilty for eating reasonable amounts of food and even unreasonable amounts of food at times (heaven knows i sometimes do haha) you don’t need feminism you need to seek help
Feminism isn’t going to cure your eating disorder.
and eating disorders aren’t linked to your gender! yeah, women are more likely to have them because of chemicals and hormones and other sciencey things i don’t understand, but men can have them to and personally i don’t care what chromosomes you have, if you have a serious mental illness, for the love of God, SEEK HELP
psych grad currently working in mental health here, i just want to say that you’re all wrong and express my disappointment in your ignorance
first off, the person in the picture is not saying ‘i need feminism because i have an eating disorder’, she’s saying she associates eating with feelings of guilt and god knows many women, including myself, can relate. this feeling of guilt ALONE is in no way indicative of a mental disorder so you should feel silly for making that assumption in the first place. such guilt, however, IS for the most part the result of living in a society that values and forces on women an unattainable standard of thinness, and shames women for displaying pretty much any kind of appetite whether it’s for food or sex or money or power
second, many psychological disorders are ABSOLUTELY influenced by society, culture and environment. genetics and biological factors do play a vital part in causing EDs, yes, but it is a VERY WIDELY ACCEPTED FACT in both the academic and professional community that sociocultural and environmental factors also play a significant role in causing EDs.
don’t believe me? maybe you’ll believe the American Psychological Association, the world’s largest and most esteem association of psychologists. (x)
or maybe you’ll believe this study that found that 38 months after their first exposure to western media (the same media that currently overexposes us to portrayals of idealized thinness) in the late 90’s, Fijian women (whose culture originally appreciated larger bodies) experienced a sharp rise in disordered eating (x)(x).
now, no one is saying that feminism can cure eating disorders, that’s a ridiculous notion, but it certainly attempts to dismantle the systems that contribute to high rates of EDs in women
and finally, let’s be real here, the person who made that edit and most of the people who are reblogging this and agreeing absolutely don’t give a damn about this girl’s wellbeing and mental health, they’re just looking for any excuse to shit on feminism. so fuck all you assholes and your faux caring bullshit :)
"My body, my choice" only makes sense when someone else’s life isn’t at stake.
Fun fact: If my younger sister was in a car accident and desperately needed a blood transfusion to live, and I was the only person on Earth who could donate blood to save her, and even though donating blood is a relatively easy, safe, and quick procedure no one can force me to give blood. Yes, even to save the life of a fully grown person, it would be ILLEGAL to FORCE me to donate blood if I didn’t want to.
See, we have this concept called “bodily autonomy.” It’s this….cultural notion that a person’s control over their own body is above all important and must not be infringed upon.
Like, we can’t even take LIFE SAVING organs from CORPSES unless the person whose corpse it is gave consent before their death. Even corpses get bodily autonomy.
To tell people that they MUST sacrifice their bodily autonomy for 9 months against their will in an incredibly expensive, invasive, difficult process to save what YOU view as another human life (a debatable claim in the early stages of pregnancy when the VAST majority of abortions are performed) is desperately unethical. You can’t even ask people to sacrifice bodily autonomy to give up organs they aren’t using anymore after they have died.
You’re asking people who can become pregnant to accept less bodily autonomy than we grant to dead bodies.
have you noticed that when someone goes ‘i was bitten by a dog once and now I’m kinda wary around them’ most people are like ‘aw, I understand’ but if a woman says she’s been raped/abused by men in the past and is now scared of them she gets told she’s paranoid and needs to get over it?
I noticed that.
have you noticed that when a dog bites a person, it gets put down
I originally wrote this article for the University of Sydney’s queer issue of Honi Soit, but a bunch of editing debacles meant that it wasn’t published (despite my near-miraculous feat of cutting it down to almost 1100 words from the original 2600). As such, I am putting it here, because I remember someone asking when I first talked about it on Tumblr.
Queer Identities in Sherlock: A Study in Embarrassing Failures
by tumblr user cuddlytogas
aehtila asked: How do you feel about Macklemore in regards to the issue some people have with him supporting LGBT+ but being straight, white and all that?
I actually think the fact he wants to help out with LGBTQIA+ stuff really cool. I mean, I’d never put him down for trying to support us.
However, I do have a problem with the way the media and some ‘allies’ have decided he’s suddenly the spokesperson for our issues and can do no wrong.
Support is wonderful, and I love it, but instead of Macklemore being hailed as our saviour, it would be wonderful if he could use his influence to give actual LGBTQIA+ people a voice. There are plenty of LGBTQIA+ artists in his genre, and there always have been, but people aren’t listening to them because they are either not white, or not straight.
Also, we have the horrid problem that whenever someone in my community doesn’t want to lick Macklemore’s shoes for being a decent human being, they get attacked online.
People tend to forget that our voices are more important than cishet voices when it comes to our issues.
Plus, it’s a kick in the teeth that after all the campaigning we’ve done, the person the cishets are rallying behind is a straight white male. It’s both strange and disheartening.
It’s a complex situation, but in answer to your question, I appreciate the support of cishets, so long as it is actual support, and not speaking over us. x
If you believe in patriarchy theory then you believe that men, throughout history, oppressed their wives, mothers, sisters, and daughters in ways comparable to racism and classism. Except that, obviously, men oppressed their relatives rather than an ethnic, racial, or cultural “other”.
If you believe that men are capable of creating a system expressly for the purpose of oppressing the people they have their most intimate relationships with then you believe that men are sociopaths.
How are men supposed to work with a group of people who deny their humanity?”
This is the most twisted logic I’ve ever read. Sociopathy does not flow from patriarchy theory.
First of all, this person has no goddamn idea what sociopathy is, because it has nothing to do with degree of intimacy in a given relationship.
To assert that people have to be sociopaths to oppress people they’re related to is downright idiotic. You’re saying that any man who thinks the woman’s place is in the kitchen, or something along those lines, and has a wife, is a sociopath. They’re certainly wrong, but that is not sociopathy. You should be able to figure that out from the first sentence of the wikipedia entry for sociopathy.
Patriarchy theory does not imply men are sociopaths. It is also not a conscious process, it’s a self-perpetrating psychosocial phenomenon affecting the minds of both men and women, and further perpetrated mostly by men and occasionally by women when it suits their interests.
Man, MRAs will find any logical fallacy they can imagine to complain about feminism.
No one’s calling you a sociopath by talking about patriarchy.
To add in with the excellent commentary above, this is exactly why patriarchy (and other systems of oppression or discrimination) is so effective - when questioned, it’s too easy to demonize anyone who points out the problems. Because saying that feminists are calling men sociopathic is far easier than acknowledging you’re part of a cultural system built upon subjugating another group of people.
In a discussion about fisting, I once had a guy tell me, “I don’t understand it. It’s not like the guy gets anything out of it.” Like, that’s the only reason you would perform a sexual act. If the guy gets anything out of it. I was quick to remind him that people giving head don’t receive physical sexual stimulus from that, either.
(submitted by anonymous)
Yes, the one about the Doctor slapping Clara’s bum.
I have been flooded with messages and responses telling me that it’s okay to slap someone on the bum in a friendly way.
Okay, kids, let’s get one thing straight.
Just because you personally don’t mind your friends slapping you on the bum does not mean that everyone is okay with it.
This is where the whole consent thing comes in.
Are you getting it yet? Are you?
THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT DO NOT LIKE TO BE INAPPROPRIATELY TOUCHED.
WE SHOULD NOT BE ENCOURAGING LITTLE BOYS TO THINK THAT ‘NORMAL’ BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR IS SLAPPING YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S BUM IN FRONT OF HER FAMILY WITHOUT ANY WARNING.
I do not care if you personally wouldn’t mind it. That is not the point. That is spectacularly missing the point.
Some people do mind it. And it’s very important that kids remember that.
The idea of touching someone’s body without consent and that it’s only ‘a laugh’ is the sort of thinking that leads to excusing sexual assault.
Get it through your skulls. Try to feel a bit of empathy for other human beings. It’s a great skill to posses for life in general.
UPDATE: This petition must get 100,000 signatures by December 24th of this year! Boost this as much as you possibly can and make sure to sign!
In 31 states, rapists are allowed to sue victims they’ve impregnated for custody rights.
There’s a case in Boston, MA right now in which a rapist is taking advantage of this. He pleaded guilty of rape in 2011 and was sentenced to 16 years probation; however, this sentence includes 16 years of family court as well, which the victim must also attend. He’s using this to sue for joint custody of her child and will only withdraw his law suit if he is free from paying any form of child support. This entire sentence seems like much more of a punishment for the victim than it is for the rapist, and for the state to allow such a thing, the victim is suing.
As stated in the court complaint, “Even if the family court ruled in the [victim]’s favor on issues currently in dispute, such as whether the criminal defendant should be granted visitation rights to [her] child, [she] will suffer harm from the constant threat of new issues arising in family court until her child reaches adulthood, including, for example, efforts by the criminal defendant to seek to modify child support orders and enforce his parental rights at the trial court level and on appeal.”
If this woman is forced to attend 16 years of family court with her rapist, she is not only forced to confront a traumatic event that she should never have to deal with again, but she is subjected to the possibility of losing pieces of her child to him over and over again for all of those years. In addition to this constant state of fear and anguish she would face, just by being sent to something considered ‘family’ court—for her and her rapist—she’s being disrespected and her rape undermined by even the suggestion that this is a family situation. By doing this, the law is making felony into family.
In 31 states, rapists are actually given rights instead of having much of anything taken away. In being given these rights, they are being given the chance to further torment the woman and possibly abuse the child. It is not okay to reward rapists and further punish victims, and the ignorance of rape and how our justice system is handling it needs to turn around.
Please sign this petition to ban rapists from being able to sue for custody rights. This issue is so little known, yet so important, and I don’t know any better way of trying to make this change.
HOW ARE THERE LESS THAN A HUNDRED SIGNATURES!?!!
Come on, people!
Please for the love of cthulu sign this petition and reblog this post I almost have 2,000 fallowers if you all reblog and sign this will hopefully get the reach it needs to pull through if you dont i’ll disown you as a fallower
Hey fellow Americans-welcome to another day of “SENSELESS JUSTICE SYSTEM”
Today we get to sign a petition regulating common sense! And valuing the sanctity of not giving rights to people who don’t deserve them! Whoa new concept! But putting all that aside- I’m so livid right now I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Coming from someone who is crying thinking back on all the shit I went through dealing with a rapist who did circle back to torment me between the ages of 21-22 at my job, I can tell you folks; it’s not a position of power you feel. It’s absolutely terrifying. Seeing that person’s face again, hearing their voice, you’re just scared beyond reason and you can barely talk. Much less defend yourself. It’s something I wish I had gone without, and something I haven’t even really spoken about because it’s so harsh to think it even happened to me. I have trouble believing it myself.
Things I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Please don’t just reblog this, I know it’s kind of annoying to create an account and sign in, but there are people out there who need you.
Don’t just read this and forget, do something.